Your sleeping together, hanging out and people ask if he is your boyfriend but you don’t have a title? Or maybe, he says loves you but is “just too busy” right now for a relationship? There are hundreds of permutations of this relationship and each one has unique circumstances. Currently, I feel like this is the relationship I am in.
My “unique” circumstance: I have known this guy for a while (6yrs). We hooked up for the first time in March since then we have slept together once and made out for two hrs another time. In between March and now, I have moved back to my home town where he lives, however, I will be moving to South Korea in a month. In between our hook ups we hang out… A lot? We also text everyday when we aren’t hanging out. See now it is gonna get complicated, I have slept with his cousin and said cousin has told me he loves me multiple times when drunk. I have also known the cousin longer, but he is dating someone plus I am no longer really interested in him.
How in the hell did this happen? My goal this summer was to sleep with no one… Wtf? My friends the most shocking part of this story is that I like him…. actually like him as in more than a friend. Do I know if he likes me? Nope. So my dilemma is what to do? Obvs it would be imprudent to date, I am going to Korea for a year! My current plan is to just ignore the feelings and enjoy the summer. If feelings get brought up, then we can make a decision, but a year is a long time and we could change so much during that time plus an international long distance relationship is a really hard plus no sex for a year. I will admit that I am taking the cowards way out, but I would like to think barring the international move our situation would be different.
However, here is what you can do to solve your own almost-in-a-relationship relationship problems:
- Assess your situation: Do you really like him or is he just convenient? Are you really compatible for dating? Are your emotion and physical needs being met? Please bear in mind that your needs include everything you would want, so if you want to bring him to family functions then that is a need. (yes, go to 2. No? Go to 3.)
- If your needs are being met, do you really need a title? In my case, my needs both emotionally and physically are being met and I do not need a title or someone to go to family functions. I have a great friend, bar buddy and hookup and that is just fine with me, now if I was staying in the country I may feel differently. If you really want and need that title then jump to step 4.
- If your needs are NOT being met, then you need to think about what you want. Don’t go too psycho on this please. If you start making a list that includes a house, kids and a BMW then we are going too far.
- Have a god damn discussion. No really, talk to him. Men are not mind readers and all those ‘signals’ your sending out do not count as mfing communication. You can see that I am passionate about the issue of communication. We (people, not just women) tend to say less in relationships not more. When you want to change the status of a relationship this is a two way street. If you don’t talk to him, please don’t bitch to anyone ever.
- If all goes well you will get what you want. Congrats this process is over. If it doesn’t go well… You need to learn from this. I have many friends who start this type of relationship and get hurt, because they settled for something they didn’t really want. Next time you are in this situation say what you want up front. If he wants the same, he will tell you and if not, you don’t waste time pining over him.
- Be Happy! You are responsible for your happiness. Some one can only truly love you if you love yourself. Sappy but true.