I have a friend, Lulu*, with whom I recently had a conversation about two men she is ‘talking’ to. She told me the tale that so many of us know so well … One of these guys she had dated for about a month, but they broke up when she moved away for a job. They have been on the back burner for each other since that time. The other is a guy she has been hooking up with for the past 6 yrs. They have never dated, but she is interested in him as more than a friend. She doesn’t know what to do, because they are both “great” guys. She also really wants to be in a committed relationship and has stated such.
How many of us have found ourselves in similar situations? We have options, but are they really options? Knowing a bit more about these guys, I don’t think either of them is particularly a catch plus both live 6 hrs away (Not exactly a winning start). Yes, Lulu may have options, but they both suck. We tend to get stuck on the idea of being in a relationship to make us happy. Are we so worried that we will end up alone that we are willing to ignore huge incompatibilities? Should we just choose the best option?
Umm Hell no. Seriously ladies… calm the fuck down. We can’t expect that our Mr. Darcy is going to show up and everything is going to be fine at the ripe old age of mid twenties. You know why the divorce rate at two years for people under 25 is 75%? It is because we don’t really know ourselves before our mid twenties and when the individuals of a couple change, they move away from one another. Constantly searching for love, searching for Mr. Right and obsessing about settling down just makes women look insane. Do you think 25 yr old men really spend large amounts of their time freaking out about finding their perfect Mrs.? Probably not.
Now, I am not saying that you should hide yourself away every weekend and solely focus on a career, but seriously, don’t obsess. Put yourself out there on a dating site or go on dates, but patience my friend, patience. The great relationships come, but we may miss them if we are dating Mr. So-So because we did not want to be alone.
The gist: Calm Down. Enjoy life. The rest of the pieces will fall together.
*Not her real name, but you knew that didn’t you?