The Weirdest Walk of Shame

Story Time:

So this happened when I was a sophomore in college and my sorority was having a mixer (private party) with a fraternity off campus. We as usual had pre-gamed before we left and in my infinite logic had left the dorms in flip flops, a a deep v-neck shirt with no sleeves and jeans (this is important to bear in mind for later). This was October in Upstate, NY. It’s Cold.

So later that night, I meet this attractive senior and I am sure that I thought our 2hr long relationship was going to be great! I get a tour of the house, that just happened to end in his room. (Shock) So we do what college kids do (I was disappointed, pretty boys don’t try hard). Well it is now 3 am and the house is in a not so good neighborhood, fuck if I am walking home at this time. So I sleep over, knowing I have to walk up really really early because one of my TAs lives in the house. For some reason, this seemed pertinent enough to wake up at 730 am.

So this sounds like any normal story? Ha friends… just wait.

I begin my walk home at 730 am… I make it to the street that turns in to campus just as it starts to snow (I am dressed for well … not snow). So I keep walking, a car pulls over to the side of the road. A woman looks at me with concern ” Hon, do you need a ride?” I politely tell her no/ what kind of idiot gets in a random persons car? I keep walking. Two minutes later, a school maintenance vehicle pulls to the side of the road… Again I am asked if I am okay and if I need a ride. I say no again and keep walking. (Do I look that fucked up?) I can see my dorm- the promise land is near. A third car pulls over and asks if I am okay and if I need a ride. At this point, I am 100ft from my dorm. I walk in and of course, my suite mate asks “What the fuck happened to you?”

I looked in the mirror and well you can probably guess. Train wreck is not really a good look on anyone.

That to date is my weirdest walk of shame ever.

A

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How to re-end a relationship

So you have broken up with your gal or guy… It’s okay, maybe awkward or maybe it was god awful and you never want to see that ass hat again. Months go by and you see him in passing once or twice, there is a weird text and then bam, you are stuck with your ex for an extended amount of time. Now I use the strategy of ignore and avoid generally because I don’t wanna deal with that crap but that isn’t always possible. You spend a fine weekend/party with your friends but then he jaguar’s you with texts and phone calls and questions like “when can we hang out?” or ” I miss you, do you miss me?”

You in turn are stunned. Where did this rush of emotions and feelings come from? Your ex has gotten caught up let’s get back together fever. It is a fairly common disease that occurs 3-6 months later when your ex has gotten lonely.  What is a girl to do?

1. Do not get back together with him. In almost all cases, this is a bad idea. You broke up with him or he broke up with you for a reason. Chances are this reason hasn’t changed. Be firm with your self. If you think he has really changed or says he has then make him prove it. Don’t get suckered by “Baby I love you so much. I was so stupid.” This my friends proves nothing! If he has changed his ways, then you taking a month or two to look at his changes shouldn’t bother him, if it does he is hiding something (maybe he hasn’t really changed all that much.)

2. Do not sleep with him. The hormonal rush you get from sleeping with him is not going to help the decision making process about whether he has really changed. Girls, you will get somewhat attached. Our bodies and hormones are programmed that way unless you are a sociopath.

3. Be gentle. You could crush his soul into a thousand pieces, but that is bad karma. Be honest but tactful. If he asks why you don’t want to get back together, instead of saying “You are a manipulative asshole,” say ” I felt like I wasn’t heard or respected in our relationship.” This will help both of you in the future. Hopefully he will wise up and change while you become more aware of your feelings.

4. Be firm. Don’t go back on your word. If you say your going to give him another chance then actually do it. Don’t half heartedly do something because you don’t want to be mean. Be honest. If you don’t want to talk to him or see him, say that. Being wishy washy about your decisions will just make this process longer and more difficult.

5. Cut contact. I always think taking 6 months apart from one another is a good idea. It allows you to clear your mind and gather yourself. If you do want to be friends in the future, taking some time apart will help. There is nothing worse to watch when two people fight constantly because they don’t want to see the other person hooking up with someone else.

6. Be happy! The time after a break up or a re-break up is the best time for you to rejuvenate you or your life. If your not happy this is the time to change it!

I hope this guide about re-breaking helps!

A

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Relationships = possesion?

Now thats a math equation you don’t see every day.

I was having a mildly intoxicated conversation with some long time male friends. I may or may not of accused one of them as seeing his girlfriend as a possession.. oops. (I don’t actually regret saying this… probs could have done it more tactfully though). He retorts that a relationship is all about the persons possessing one another. WHAT?

I have a fundamental problem with this. Possession implies that men and woman are things to be owned. In an owning situation, someone is the owner and someone is the owned. I don’t believe that you can be an owner and owned at the same time… this isn’t some circular equation, where everyone is equal and can do both things at once… not gonna happen my friends. I feel like a lot of this has to do with men trying to possess woman. I don’t think this is any one persons fault; this is the underhanded villain that is society at work. Besides the last 40 years (and thats only in some places), things have sucked for women. Always wearing skirts, no property owning, being passed from dad to husband- it brings a girl down. When said girl was passed from dad to husband the word obey was ALREADY IN THE AGREEMENT (Wikipedia this shit). I don’t blame men for this attitude, but how can we change this mentality. There are attitudes we can bring to the relationship table to make a relationship, an actual and equal partnership.

Men can:

  • have the same expectations for themselves as they do a woman. ex If you don’t want me to flirt with people, then don’t do it yourself.
  • don’t put a girl up on a pedestal. Its nice for about 5 seconds, before she is gonna begin to worry and freak out that she is going to come crashing down from that lofty place.
  • Don’t always play the hero. If I fall in a puddle, play the hero and help me out. My friends says something mean, stay the fuck out of it.
  • Don’t be a jealous psychopath. Stay out of my phone, my email, etc. If your hacking someones account, your relationship is probably tanked anyway.

Women can:

  • not play the victim. No really, stop asking for a man to save you. No one is going to marry you and let you play Suzy Homemaker. Gain some life skills
  • Stop letting him pay for everything… this is related to the above. You have a job, you have money… If he pays for things ALL THE TIME (or your dating him so he pays for things), you are being a hooker (or if you don’t put out, an escort). I try to pay for things 50-50.
  • be okay being alone. Desperation is never cute.  A man isn’t going to save you or break you. If you can’t be alone, because you don’t like being alone, ask yourself why.
  • Don’t be a jealous psychopath. See above.

What this all really comes down to is .. Are you respected by your bf/gf? Words and attitudes that imply that you are ‘his,’ implies to me that your really not his equal. This goes for the ladies as well, we have to give respect as well. If you are toying with someone or treating someone like shit… you know where this is going.

So ask folks ask yourself:  Are you treated like a possession? Are you respected? Does your gf/bf try to control you? If so, think if this relationship is really worth it.

Soundtrack to this post:

  1. Destiny’s Child- Independent Woman
  2. Ne-Yo – Miss Independent 
  3. Webbie ft Lil’Boosie and Lil’ Phat – Independent
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So here it is

For anyone who is new and doesn’t know me:

This is a blog about my thoughts/feelings/frustrations/advice/musings on sex, love and relationships, because dear reader they are not the same. Mommy may have read the story about prince charming… but things are a little crazier then that. I have one biological little sister, a soon to be sister in law, and many non related sisters. These are the conversations I have with them. Many of these posts will be about them and about the sometime stupid shit we do.

I will be explicit sometimes(unless you think cursing is explict, then change that to always). I will always be honest. I will talk about whatever the fuck I want.

 

A

 

 

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