Since I am now in Korea, my friend and I have had quite a lot of time to talk. Mostly, because we have only a few other friends. This topic came up a few days ago and struck a chord. Why do we the experienced women diss virgins?
My friend told me a story of how, two of our mutual acquaintances completely ignored someones comment on the conversation, because she was ‘still a virgin.’ She was shut out of a conversation just because she has never made the choice to have sex. This seems ridiculous right? I mean she is still a person that can have thoughts and feelings. Why shouldn’t we respect that as a life choice? She respects that they have made the choice to have sex and doesn’t call them sluts.
You know what I think it is? The women who diss virgins are actually dealing with their own issues about how they lost their virginity. Many of us don’t like the way we lost our virginity. Mine personally sucked, I slept with some guy I didn’t really know while I was drunk and hopped on pills. I have gotten over it and my regret. This took a long time and a lot of working on who I was and what I wanted.
The women who don’t diss someones opinion usually are at peace with the way it all went down. My friend, who brought this up, lost her virginity to someone she only knew a few days, but she made this decision because she knew she wouldn’t regret it. She sees this event as something that happened that didn’t significantly change the way she felt about her self worth. She doesn’t regret it and so doesn’t get jealous that another girl still has hers.
My issue with this is that we, women, are making girls feel like ‘they just need to lose it.’ WHAT? The fact that girls are feeling pressure to fit in by having sex is unacceptable. We want a world that doesn’t judge a women for having sex, we also need to make a place for someone who chooses not to have sex. Sex is also not a weapon to make people feel like shit. It is a choice that everyone has the freedom to make.
Honestly, it would be great for everyone to have great sex.. all the time. It is honestly on my top 3 favorite activities. Sex is not a weapon, it is an activity, that for some is a hobby or even more important in creating new life (tiny shudder of fear went through me). A hobby you need to do in private, but it should not negatively effect your self worth or the value you place on someone else’s. If you are using sex as a weapon, against girls or guys, rethink your actions because you’re doing it wrong. If you are using it as a tool to get something, lets just slap on the prostitute name tag and call it a day (Nothing wrong with prostitution, but lets just be honest about what you are doing). My advice to you kiddos is to get some therapy, grow up and deal with the issues. There are still some prime years ahead of you that you may actually be able to enjoy. To those of you who are still unicorns, don’t make this choice because ‘you just want to get it over with.’ Wait, make the a choice you know you won’t regret. It could be with someone you love or someone you met on New Years Eve in Paris. Just know that the choice you make is something you alone can make and in the end it really only effects you.
Not exactly a light hearted post, but it is something that stuck with me.